Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
