If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
