the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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