your room smells of hookers.
And success
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
