just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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