I must be too annoying 4 u.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
