You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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