i think my mom watched the whole time
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
