i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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