Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
