this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
