my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
should my penis look like a turkey
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
please don't ironically join a cult
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