thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
