Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
