I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
