I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
