I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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