I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
