so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
