let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
