oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
