Screwed.edu
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
