the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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