So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize