saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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