ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
