What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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