I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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