I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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