The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
