It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
