I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
