that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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