youre lurking in front of me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
