she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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