There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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