Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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