There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did i walk over a car last night?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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