So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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