the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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