Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
