Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
