he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
