i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize