So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
