Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
