woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
