It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
