dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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