Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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