Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
