I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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