Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
