yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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