Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
