A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
