We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
