What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
