ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
