6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
