Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
