I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
