my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
