Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
