ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
