He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
