you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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