So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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