ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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