I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
