at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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