Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
