she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
