then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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