We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
