Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who died my cat blue again?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
