Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
