his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize