Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
