If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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