About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
