The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she told me i tasted like america
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
