id be glad to
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
