you have to choose: penises or morals?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
