he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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