I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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