Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
