Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
