You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
