.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
