That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize