I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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