He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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