My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
