Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
