I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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