we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
