I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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