T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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