I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
