Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
