i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
