come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She bit a glass in half.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
