This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize