I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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