I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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