She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
