so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My ass is underappreciated
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
